Tuesday, February 27
im so fcuking angry !!
im so fcuking angry now ! i just came back from eastp0int and bec0s of a fcuker , i did not get my nails d0ne and i did not open my bank acc0unt yet. such a happy day and s0me fcuker sp0ilt it . n0 brains , pengwei n0.1 . irritate people zhui li hai larhhs. And now the fcuker is beside me scratching my leg f0r me , quite shi0k && asking me not to write this, he say will have bad luck f0r 3yrs but i d0n care ~ BIG quarrel at eastp0int just now. so l0ng havent exploded like this . Like crazy like that . i hate these anger outbursts ! i hate the feeling of being overwhelmed by anger! i hate him !! blardy liar-assh0le-bluff ppl-pengwei-disgusting m0ron . i was suppossed to open a new bank acc0unt (my money & his money ) under my name . So we went but i left my ic in the car , already apologized to him , then he said maybe dont want to open a bank acc already . (When all the time he's been asking me to open a bank acc asap) So walked to the carpark , g0ing to get my ic when my m0ther said i'm already late f0r my manicure appt. So decided to u-turn back . whats the fcuking big deal? after my manicure still can go open bank acc.rights ? fcuking stoopid lehhs. This is what happpens when u mix with ppl less intelligent then urself , they cant give proper explanations , cant express themselves , just plain stupid.
So he said he want all his money back && he dont wanna open a bank acc. anymore . i know his blardy pattern ( he want to open now means now if n0t he will try to start something) i was also partly already in a bad m0od c0s he keep pressurizing me to open quickly. Lost my temper , ask him , u want ur money back ? i opened my bag pulled out $20 threw at him when we were on the escalat0r . the money flew to the ground. He picked up. The lady on the next escalat0r stared at me. oh fcuk her too, KAYPO/. walked away , he followed . i asked him u want s0memore ? took out alot of two dollar notes & threw it at him agains. Then my eyebrow pencil dropped. he picked up and passed to me. I say your's what. Take back i dont want . c0s he bought it for me . Later my mother know we quarrel then she said dont do nails already. she walked to carpark . we followed her. At carpark i buay tahan . EXPLODED -die- kept shouting like mad like thats. So angry! so many ppl stare, think they shocked bahhs. c0s i dress up so nicely lo0k so lady-like but they dint expect i could be like this /. Dont even s0und like me when i sh0ut && go mad . My mummy says very frightening . That fcuker say like sia0 lang && sometimes he say cl0wn. fcuk him lars. I ask him slap himself if not fcuk off .cos he also everytime ask me. He just stand there like idi0t. In the end i already g0ing mad lers. Cant think properly keep saying i want do my nails t0day. My mummy try to talk to me i accidentally scratched her face i think. she got angry then dr0ve off. that fcuker said he will pay f0r my mani/pedi . Ask him why he cannot wait arhs , why? wanna take bk money arhs . He keep peng wei saying i mis-underst0od him . i w0nt give face to pe0ple who try to lie . Keep saying & saying till he admit that is he is the one who is impatient & he is the who try to start s0mething . i say put 870 in . He say put 900. Why put 900& withdraw $30 for manicure. might as well keep $30 then bank in $870. stoopid right . He keep saying put $900 nexttime easier to withdraw cash/. uhhms he d0nt get my p0int . making me super angry. Need to explain many many times then he understand. wtf? Anyway didnt do my manicure. He went to eat chicken rice. kept asking him faster , faster, faster . Abit po0rthing larhs see he eat so fast. He said he want a drink i said "No money" Later he scooping the last spoonful of rice i stand up walk off first. LOLS. walk till end of k0pitiam then turn behind. Saw him behind . Later he tried to hug all this. Say he dig n0se got pee-sai stuck at my hair all this. i laugh abit but n0t FUNNY LORS! im still angry = / uhhms u may think im a really mean girlfriend but im NOT. only when i go abit crazy after provocation, but im not really gd girlfriend either . just okay- we have both our good& bad times ((: after this incident wanted to runaway again like last time . Wanted to come out my "many pattern" but i'm still sticking to my pr0mise cos this is actually a small matter , blame it on my h0t temper today. I'm still not able to contr0l my feelings yet . Finally after blogging , my anger has subsided. shall blog on what i did to day in another p0st .
1:49 PM
before the BIG quarrel ((: / b0ught s0me hell0kitty stuff
1:28 PM
Sunday, February 25
geylang (",)
for dinner we had the yu-sang thing , for luck and wealth (as my mummy says ) After that master came to my home to visit me , he taught me meditati0n and to clear my mind everyday. Im supposed to drink 0ne litre of MRET water everyday too -faints- supposedly for blood circulation . its costs mummy $1000 plus , hope it w0rks ((:
My temper is really getting uncontrollable and i think its frightening my mummy ? shes spending so much money to help me, feel so bad! Dar keep saying you want to save ur mummy's money u better think before u ki-siao . LOLS =x Anyways Master said i must learn to have peace of the mind and learn to control it , c0s only when i am able to control myself can i then be able to control others. Its so true , i better remember and try to change !! i want to be able to control my emoti0ns and my mind so that i wont lose my temper anymore , wont explode just any minute, i dont want to hate people , i dont want to have that urge of beating people up anym0re , i want to release all that anger in me . i want to be able to forgive people easily , smile everyday and be a nice pers0n. i h0pe i can d0 it !! if not i think i might go crazy some day OR end up in jail . either way i dont benefit . so i will try my best i pr0mise ((: uhhms who some who may not know i change quite alot already ((: agree ??!! too much hatred in a person really does one no good . trust me .
later at ar0und 1am went geylang with Dar&mummy! bought alot alot of pretty bras and a dress, Mummy bought so many stuffs , said we wont spend much today but ended up spending $300plus! Not me , her. Ate fish&chips . simply delicious . Haha so many prostitutes. some quite pretty ! Dar and i saw a few china prostitutes behaving disgustingly . then dar and i imitate them. i kept tugging at dar's hand and said , xian sheng ni bo0k wo yi zheng ye hao mahs , yi ding hen shuang derhs " then my dar say " wo yao bo0k ni yi nian ke bu ke yi " then i think they heard cos one turn and stare at me from top to bottom . Don care lars , we just continue laughing & playing ! wahahahaaas =x anyway dar told me that bagay's boyfren always visit prostitutes! HAHA the first one to get aids is HER!! oooppss! i promised i wont be like that anymore didnt i /. erms nvm lars , start from tomorrow. Happy&contented today ! one last thing - iLOVEDAR!!!!!!!
the pictures of the m&m mint chcolates used to be my favourite !! asked my dad to buy them from overseas but i didnt expect him to buy this many! anybody wants?
4:51 AM
Wednesday, February 21
angbao river-
Dar & i went to angbao river in the evening - Every year during chinese new year i will go there but this is the first year i go with dar alone ! Actually we asked jesmond along but he say sians
LOLS . still the same stuffs , rides / food && blabla . bought candy floss again! saw a butterfly made of malt candy [ the brown sweet sticky liquid , think its called mai ya tang in chinese] thats how dar pronounced it . wanted to buy but then it costs $5 for such a small thing
stupid lars ! Dar took picture of the cai shen ye , for luck or whatever . hehs . went to see our zodiac signs drag0n and m0nkey - haas . Dar say stand in front and take picture. LOLS!! actually i didnt want, but saw ppl doing so we followed suit . was so crowded&& noisy . Ate icekachang , so disgusting , funny taste , not nice at all . Ever dar's fishburger also not nice . walked through the streets , wanted to buy jade but look so ugly , rather get the real thing. The decorations and lights , quite nice larhhs . enjoyed myself today ( although did quarrel over some small stuffs && i wanted to go home ) should have taken picture in the huangdi's palace! the chair look so grand & mighty ! LOLS.
3:50 AM
Sunday, February 18
chinese new year [[ chu yi ] *
yesterday had reunion dinner at my auntie's house , today went to my Aunty's house again at Tampines with my family && dar . Ate alittle and of cos collect angba0s ! ((: My family is so generous , each angba0 had $10 or more inside. Even for dar ! hehs . After lunch went to sengkang [dar's ahma's hse]] to bai-nian . so crowded there . Watched tv , moved off with dar's parents to teck whye . Fell asleep inside the car , the aircon inside was so cold ! but very shi0k.
hehs. uhhms actually i find its more c0mfy then my father's bmw. LOLS. for the backseat. Dar's ear touched my face , his ear was like fr0zen ! so cold . Had steamboat [[ chicken soup&tomyam] drank so much carbonated drinks (which i dont normally do) Ate so much until i was so full ! Dar played buan lark, while i watched tv. 2girls came to sit beside me, i just look straight & watch tv cos i don wish to talk to them . Cos they're both preggie & all they talk about is preggie stuff . I only talked to Dar's jiejie & dar. so unsocial uhhs . haas . Weiwei , AnAn & shuhui hog the comp for so many h0urs then i got no chance to play . Dar keep on taking so much food for me, asking me to eat eat eat!
Went back to my aunty's house , my cousins && her friends all playing mahj0ngg . Look for my sister && other cousins to gossip gossip /. hehs . Later saw angmohkia in my cousin;s house. i was like - dots- howcome my cousin know him ?!! but i also never go && ask him anything only told my cousin about that bitchh .Watch thsi show on preview channel about Fann wong && this american guy & maggie q . Damn nice ! anybody know the title ?? i might get the sony ericsson pink flip-phone . So lady-like . My cousin was showing me the features . She got it for $95 only!
Ate dessert , vanilla ice-cream with peaches ! DAMN DELICIOUS ((: im going to grow fat. That was the last . Couldnt eat anymore! Shall bai-nian again tmr .
5:53 AM
Friday, February 16
vivo city
went to vivo city with dar today c0s mummy was there. Should have woken up earlier so that i didnt have to waste time taking mrt down- the journey so long , i dont like >.< ermms its actually quite a stupid place , the signboards and stuffs . They also have harbourfront centre signs all over the place making it pretty confusing. Its big but not that fantastic as how some describe it to be. they;re probably suakus who havent seen such a big place in their lives before.
Ate at Marche . So many rubbish food there && no spaghetti or pizza! just a funny looking pasta which i ordered . Quite delicious though but eating too much of it made me feel sick cos the thick cream was too rich& creamy. Mummy ordered some potato thingy (not nice) dar ordered kampong chicken (hmms pretty normal t0 me ) Although the ambiance is really nice and classy. the food is way below its usual standard . i still prefer the one at Heeren if its still there ((: The desserts didnt look good , they didnt even have strawberry lemon flavour for the snapple drink/. so i chose another flavour =\
Mummy bought 3guess bags from GUESS . i didnt take a fancy to any. I'm still in love with the guess handbag i saw at tampines mall (isetan) && century sq (metro) one is blue , the other brown,both have snakeskin straps and a big silver G down the middle . looks rugged and more of the outdoorsy type of handbag && something a lady would carry . regret not buying it when it was only at half -price $59 only . shall go back and see if its still there tomorrow . it is really very pretty ((: shopped around , got so boring dar & i decided to leave for far east . Collected my blouse from blossomz at Cine .
Ate at gelare , waffle with honey malt crunch ice cream . My all time fav0urite . Dar and i used to eat it every week -LOLS- a few couples started copying us !! we were so sick of the food that we didnt eat there for a few months but now we;re back at it again ~ although the photos didnt turn out so nice , should try it out sometime. their spaghetti is good too . I'm only talking bout the fareast && plaza sing outlets .
At paragon , Dar&i went to the supermarket to buy drinks and stuff . i secretly bought dar's favourite hi-chew sweet cola flavour. While we were walking to cine , dar took out hi-chew sweet (grape flavour) and said " i bought sweets for you," then i laugh saying " i also bought for you " we end up hugging &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;& laughing. we know each other well . maybe ? i dont know . hehhs in a good mood today~
4:43 AM
Thursday, February 15
c h i n a t o w n ' xD
Dar brought me to Chinatown today to see the chinatown lights , so crowded over there!we walked through the many streets and small lanes . dont even know where i was walking , just follow dar only =x LOLS . bought cotton candy again , ate kueh pie tie. So many nice food & pretty clothes and stuff there ! alot of those olden chinese antique stuff . Later saw a thai silk dress that i kinda took a liking to but would only wear for chinese new year . Asked dar for his opinion and he said not very nice then okay lar . so confusing ! asked him to buy for me , he said buy it if you like it , but i didnt want to use my money ! LOLS and he didnt want to buy for me so we left the place and walked to the end of the street then i started throwing tantrums , was so angry , cried alittle , while dar hugged me tightly, trying to comfort me , felt very irritated , kept saying i want the dress with tears flowing down my cheeks . sounds so spoilt huh ? i admit im immature =x i must try and change and not act like a spoilt chilidish brat .
In the end , dar bought a strawberry iceball for me , he kept hugging me tightly and wiping the tears away from my eyes , he kept stroking my hair and kissing my forehead too ! i felt better and stopped my nonsense , hees . dar brought me back to try the dress , hehs didnt like it so didnt buy but i did take a photo though LOLS/.Dar has changed so much i love him ((: cos i know he loves me .Chinatown is damn big okays , walked for a few hours , ( market places / 2 pasarmalams the small streets , chinat0wn point)bought a red& white striped tube with a ribbon in the middle for chinese new year ((:
oh btw - to all hellokitty l0vers , there's a shop in chinatown p0int 3rd level selling all hellokitty stuffs ! whatever rubbish you can think of all comes in hellokitty . etc , comb , dustbin , mirror, drawers, shirts , accessories , pens , even angba0s! nearly fainted wahhaaas!! its a really lovely shop ! visit it when u have the time
1:33 AM
Wednesday, February 14
HAPPY VALENTINES ((:
- woke up late , after a long good sleep ((: felt so much more refreshed ! mummy picked me & dar up from his house , went to tampines201 pasarmalam to get more cotton candy , the blue / purple is my favourite , latest addicition . uhhms managed to get my pretty passport covers . couldnt decide so i bought the charmmy kitty , mymelody , littletwinstar , snoopy and another character i forgot for my sisters.
later went home , showered then mum drove me to tampines mall . had that mushroom burger / cornsoup,peach tea nonsense again ! haas . The mall was about to close , felt it was still early& not time to go home yet . Dar & i decided to go to geylang . Bought milkshakes from mac . strawberry for me and cappucinno for dar .
- At geylang , dar ate chicken chop - he said it was very nice but i didnt think so. guess what i had ? salad !! fresh lettuce with thousand islands' topping . simply delicious . hehs , healthy me LOLS. walked the streets , only one clothing shop open , the clothes , uhmm not bad lars.
after all that walking i got tired , so decided to go home . didnt celebrate valentines day as dar&i slept like pigs but im happy today ((: and besides we got $150 extra to spend *secret* haas!
6:22 AM
Tuesday, February 13
The day u went away
woke up early , took a quick shower . tried to wake dar up gently cos he was angry with me the night before for making my final decision. Asked him to accompany me to the clinic , he groggily walked to the toilet to take a shower. My mum picked us up from his block and we went to the clinic . Dar was so quiet all the way.
could sense he was angry and sad. when the nurse gave me some pills to swallow he looked at them with hurt in his eyes . i was feeling sad and guilty myself . Anyway we sort of quarrelled when i asked him to wait for me and he said he was going home . the nurse asked me to go upstairs and dar just left like that . So i didnt know if he was going to wait for me or not . i was already bleeding by then.
upstairs, the five beds were already occupied so i had a room with one bed to myself , i called mum and dar about a million times. they didnt answer - i was thinking wtf . read some magazines took some photos . until finally it was my turn. the doctor gave me a jab of anaesthesia, he re-assured me and i could feel the room spinning and soon i was fast asleepwhen i awoke i was already lying in one of the five beds, felt very dizzy and had stomach cramps felt like shitting . there were ppl sleeping on the left and right bed . got up to get my hp below my bed , msged mum told her i wanted to go home. she said the clinic was closed and it stated that it only opened at 2.30pm which was half and hour more. rested and at 2.30 everyone was awake. they talked to me but i didnt answer. quickly walked down , couldnt walk straight was so weak. the nurse who was outside said wah so fast u wake up uhh . didnt bother went straight down and saw dar sitting there , i sat beside him , he hugged me, he looked so sad. took my medicine and mum drove me back to his house to rest-i know im in the wrong , i did what i did out of selfishness , i didnt do what i did because it was best for you but i did what i did because it was the best for me. i really wanted u from the beginning but things didnt turn out the way i wanted it to . its not that i cant bring u up , its not that i cant give u the best , i could but i didnt want to. blame me , i am sorry but i really did love u , really really did . daddy loves u too , daddy cried for u and hated me for days . daddy keeps looking at yr photos . my baby , im sorry , now that u're gone i feel the emptiness in me , u'll always be apart of our memories forever ; always. imissu
6:31 AM
Monday, February 12
n0thing much -
11th / 12th
spent these two days with darling at his house
- sleeping , watching vcds and lazing ar0und . in the evenings i would get these sudden cravings for fastfood =x darling and i would go to tampines malls' burgerking to get my single mushroom swiss burger (takeaway) and go over to mosburger to get my fries ,peach tea & cornsoup - hehes, and he will eat elsewhere .
darling says im stupid cos it costs cheaper buying a set meal from one place . he says he spoils me lar, its true .haha. thats what i have been eating the last two days i dont know why i love it so much ((: i love darling too !
3:50 AM
Saturday, February 10
darling b0ok out today ! ((:
(old photo of my mother&me)
darling out today ! woke up at 1oam after being awakened by dar's phone call , he said he wont be booking outso early , so i decided to go out first , cos i didnt want to stay at home and wait for him since he wasnt sure of the time .
mummy said she was going to taka so sis & i decided to follow her . My brother and i already decided on eating at Marche, thats why i decided to go with them to town-halfway down to town my brother said eat at Pepper lunch and i really didnt want to cos of my morning sickness i really couldnt stand the sight and smell of beef !anyway heeren didnt have any parking lots so mummy parked her car at taka ,i didnt eat anything at pepper lunch . they said it was nice but honestly i thought it looked like dogs food but didnt say out of cos.
Later dar called and ask me where i was, said taka and he got angry -.- he said he was outside my house all dressed up cos he wanted to bring me out and give me a surprise. He said to meet him NOW . but i said cannot & asked him to meet his friend first. Him being him said if i dont show up at eastp0int by 4pm dont blame him if i cannot find him after that. didnt bother~
Ate auntie anne's chocolate mint pretzel delici0us ((:
sis& i moved over to fareast c0s i actually still wasnt too happy aboutnot eating at marche -LOLS- had my hair rebonded and extended , haas ! dear sis waited patiently but eunice came down to accompany her. supposed to shop with eunice but since was rebonding my hair. yups.
after few hours dar got impatient and used his house phone to blast my phone-
answered his 11th phone call . he said " u know now what time ? still dont want come bk ?! " told him i was doing my hair at my regular place , he didnt believe and asked me to take picture of the shop's signboard . after doing my stuff sis & i went walked to taka to meet mum.
she bought mosburgers' fishburger meal , peach tea & cornsoup(takeaway) my favourite !!
later she drove me to dar's hse . called dar and told him i was outside his hse-he didnt believe,he opened the metal gate and walked to the landing of the staircase , he smiled alittle then tried to hide his smile , soo cute !!( acting not happy when he is )i think so lars haha! BUT he didnt hug me , didnt kiss me =(we didnt see each other for 13days okay !wanted to hug him so badly but i wont . hahas , went into his room to eat my mosburger , guess what he said to me " what u do to your hair why so g0ng " dots . then i just said " after i wash wont be like that anymore lars "then after looking at him properly, realized he changed so much . so i told him " why u become so black ? and why ur hair so short , i paiseh to go out with u already larhhs" he looked at me, then looked away could tell he thought i was serious and looked hurt . i immediately felt bad and pulled his arm and said " bluff u larhs " HAHA. he still didnt bother about me and opened my bag to look for the latest photo of our baby's scan .
he said wow grow so big already ((: he said he love our baby alot alot , even more than me. after i showered and all , clean and everything . he suddenly pull me to the bed and hug me so tightly , he say he miss me alot & love me and bla bla . LOLS so silly of me to cry ! omg! i said i thought u don love me alrdy -hahahaa cos he was like so cold and all - but he say no lars cos he read thru my msgs and saw what i msg with robin ! and he was angry dots - stoopid robin =x
in the end we slept together , with me lying on his chest and hugging the bolster & his leg tgther ~ imiss his smell , his bed , his bolster ! haas so comfy ((: i am happy to have darling back with me ((:
1:27 AM
went to Master's hse first thing in the m0rning with mummy , bought two pails of f0od & goodies f0r my baby , supposed to be some ritual to let my baby be reb0rned . Didnt know i was g0ing there for this . Just followed whatever mummy said . As they were chanting , felt very sad c0s it sounded like those olden thai funeral s0ng . Later went to Tampines800plus for my app0intment with my gynae . Decided to skip it since i was feeling well. Mummy && i ended up buying lots of sexy panties . HAHAS. b0ught a hell0-kitty n0teb0ok && hellokitty [chopsticks,sp0on&f0rk] a set . Dar b0ught purple c0ntact lenses f0r me . Mummy couldnt decide whether she wanted green 0r cool green so she didnt get. Then we were off to eastp0int for our manicure/pedicure @ eastp0int , nailpalace when our BIG quarrel started =/ ermms be right back . mummy asking me to eat sushi first . i CANT resist . okays im back with my california maki && wasabi ((:
Ate at gelare , waffle with honey malt crunch ice cream . My all time fav0urite . Dar and i used to eat it every week -LOLS- a few couples started copying us !! we were so sick of the food that we didnt eat there for a few months but now we;re back at it again ~ although the photos didnt turn out so nice , should try it out sometime. their spaghetti is good too . I'm only talking bout the fareast && plaza sing outlets .
At paragon , Dar&i went to the supermarket to buy drinks and stuff . i secretly bought dar's favourite hi-chew sweet cola flavour. While we were walking to cine , dar took out hi-chew sweet (grape flavour) and said " i bought sweets for you," then i laugh saying " i also bought for you " we end up hugging &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;& laughing. we know each other well . maybe ? i dont know . hehhs in a good mood today~
could sense he was angry and sad. when the nurse gave me some pills to swallow he looked at them with hurt in his eyes . i was feeling sad and guilty myself . Anyway we sort of quarrelled when i asked him to wait for me and he said he was going home . the nurse asked me to go upstairs and dar just left like that . So i didnt know if he was going to wait for me or not . i was already bleeding by then.
upstairs, the five beds were already occupied so i had a room with one bed to myself , i called mum and dar about a million times. they didnt answer - i was thinking wtf . read some magazines took some photos . until finally it was my turn. the doctor gave me a jab of anaesthesia, he re-assured me and i could feel the room spinning and soon i was fast asleepwhen i awoke i was already lying in one of the five beds, felt very dizzy and had stomach cramps felt like shitting . there were ppl sleeping on the left and right bed . got up to get my hp below my bed , msged mum told her i wanted to go home. she said the clinic was closed and it stated that it only opened at 2.30pm which was half and hour more. rested and at 2.30 everyone was awake. they talked to me but i didnt answer. quickly walked down , couldnt walk straight was so weak. 
(old photo of my mother&me)